Two for the Road

As the dedicated fans of canals that we are, no European trip of ours was going to be complete without some time in Amsterdam. Iris and I took our first holiday as a couple together here, a whopping twelve years ago, when Iris was still in university and I’d graduated about a year and a half ago. Hmm, I think I felt a few grey hairs grow in real time writing that, so let’s divert our attention to the present.

After a long train journey we arrived in the canal capital of Europe itself. The view as you walk out of Amsterdam Central station is fantastic. Tall, thin houses with their trademark historic hoisting hooks line up on the other side of the canal, with trams darting past next to cyclists. Oh, my god, the cyclists…

Amsterdam is an interesting experiment as to what society would look like if cyclists were the dominant form of transport. Every road has cycle lanes in each direction big enough to fit a car in, and there are more cyclists than people. Trust me, you’d agree this makes sense if you’d see it. To make things more interesting, pedestrian crossings remain mandatory for cars but act merely as street decoration for cyclists. Dare to step out when cyclist are approached? Get prepared to have some stern works (the Dutch are too polite to shout) or to be hit, as apparently Amsterdam bikes come without brakes. And I won’t even mention the e-bikes roaring around.

After a long train journey and a short tram trip to our Airbnb, we had an easy-going first night. What follows over the next few days necessitates me reminding you that the 12th was our fifth wedding anniversary. What? You’re worried you’ve left it too late? Don’t be daft. It’s never too late to ask for our PayPal account details if your gift got lost in the post!

The following morning, we headed to The Antique Ring Shop (does what it says on the tin and we highly recommend it) for a gift I’d promised Iris. She bought this lovely ring which really suits her, and I get the joy of planning the different ways we can eat nothing but beans for a week to balance our budget. Everyone’s a winner, right? Right?

After bravely crossing several bike lanes, we thought we’d treat ourselves to some stroopwafel, Amsterdam’s favourite sweet treat. Having travelled the world and experienced the delights of fusing the foods of different cultures, we took this delicious caramel waffle and opted to have one with chocolate and Oreos on it. Absolutely bloody delicious!

We don’t dance to the beat of anyone else’s drum and live life by our own rules, so soon after we went for a delightful bagel for lunch. Think of the stroopwafel as a sweet starter. There seems to be a bagel shop on every other corner of this city, so we’re thankful we found a good one. Perfect for lining our stomachs for the next stop on our itinerary – the Heineken experience.

Built on the original brewery site, we’d done this tour all those years ago and thought it’d be worth a revist, particularly for one section where they simulate what it would be like if you were a beer being brewed. No, this isn’t a hallucination from a dubious brownie from a local cafe, this was a real thing, a simulator ride that would jolt you up and down while you (the beer) were being boiled, and heat lamps would come on to boil you. Only the Dutch would think of it.

The tour was still good fun, but we felt it had become more corporate and sanitised since. There was still a brewery simulation but think of it more like a light show than something you may find in Disneyland. Still, there were beers included, and we got to enjoy the view from their rooftop bar.

We took a stroll around the town afterwards before heading to a nearby bar for some non-Heineken beers. It was here I tried bitterballen for the first time. For those who don’t know, they’re breaded and deep fried meatballs with beef stew inside and are normally served with mustard. Someone contact the pubs back home as these are absolutely delicious and they’d make a killing from selling these, even if only from me.

The next day was our anniversary, and we kicked things off with a delightful brunch in a café hidden from Amsterdam’s main roads. If you’re in town, swing by Dignita Hoftuin for a quality breakfast.

We then took in the nearby botanical gardens, the Hortus Botanicus, which has been standing for four centuries. It had flora from all over the world and was a soothing oasis in the middle of the busy city, alongside some fauna in the form of butterflies allowed to fly freely in their butterfly house. They were truly beautiful creatures, even if I did have to move my limbs considerably slower for fear of crushing one of them.

In a turn of events, there was a couple having their wedding photos here too. Excellent choice of wedding date, we say. Here’s to many happy years, couple who we didn’t speak to and who don’t know us!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. ‘Oh, Matt and Iris, this is all very lovely and cultured, which we’d naturally come to expect from such veteran travellers like you. But where’s the cheese and wine?’ Fear not! For I had booked us an hour-long boat tour of Amsterdam with complimentary cheeses and drinks. Our tour guides were so friendly (and generous with their drinks) and regaled us with stories of the city’s buildings and history.

That evening we had dinner in Ron Gastrobar. While this may sound like a bloke from the valleys that opened a posher than average pub, it was, in fact, a fancy restaurant that was conveniently just down the road from where we were staying. Fans of the Off Menu podcast may recognise this as the place that serves the beef wellington James Acaster has repeatedly proclaimed to be the best main course he’d ever eaten. High praise indeed!

We had a lovely time. While we can’t attest to the beef wellington being the best thing we’ve ever eaten, it was still brilliant, and definitely worth a visit if you’re in town and you’ve a special occasion to celebrate.

We had a day off doing anything the next day¹ and instead focused our efforts on recovering our energy for today. We took a walk through the green, picturesque Vondelpark first thing, ensuring yet again to dodge the hundreds of cyclists, but the views you get are worth it. Plus they have these bins with antennas that wouldn’t look out of place in a 70s episode of Dr Who, so what’s not to love?

We then spent a few hours being cultured again by taking in a visit to the Rijksmuseum. This museum is home to many works by artists including Van Gogh and Rembrandt. It also includes a rather large library, and loads of visitors who don’t understand what the big signs saying SILENCE mean, but you can’t have everything, I suppose.

So now we’re packing our bags for Belgium, which will the the last international stop on our eight-month tour! Where the hell has the time gone? All this thinking about how the twelve years have passed since we were last here, and now that realisation! If you’ll excuse me I have to sign off here as I can feel my body crumble to powder.

Matt

1. Blame the wine. ↩︎