Two for the Road

Everything’s bigger in Texas. That’s what we’ve been told by almost everybody we’ve spoken to since we’ve been here. Portion sizes, for one thing, as you will see later in this post. Cars and highways are the same, the latter reaching on for miles while raised pickup trucks with dump valves¹ race past at speed. What’s also big is the amount we’ve been able to cover in less than a week of being in the United States.

It’s been interesting coming to an (in theory) English-speaking country after months in Latin America. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to hold myself back from saying ‘Gracias!’ instead of thank you. Given the current administration’s predilection for deporting anyone not as American as apple pie,² this is a matter of self-preservation as much as getting out of old habits.

But enough of that. We’ve a lot to get through, so buckle up!

I’ll start by offering you a tip for if you fly to Dallas airport. It doesn’t matter how dark it is outside, nor how tired you are from your travel. If the taxi rank is empty, make sure you go to the Uber stand rather than sitting and waiting, even though it’s hard to find. After a five-hour flight that left Costa Rica at 11PM and arriving at 5AM Dallas time,³ we were told by an airport employee that a taxi would shortly be here.

Then a car driven by what appeared to be the bloke’s mate showed up. Our bags were thrown in the boot trunk and off we went through the early morning light. After a half-hour drive to our Airbnb, we were charged $100 for the privilege! You’re welcome, American economy.

Fortunately, our Airbnb was a very comfortable stay. Our hosts, Jeff and Aaron, were lovely and allowed us our own privacy and use of their kitchen and upstairs outdoor sitting area, and we were only about 15 minutes walk each way from Dallas city centre and the trendy neighbourhood of Deep Ellum.

Neither of us had been to Texas before, let alone Dallas, so we were expecting something along the lines of a big-city version of a wild-west frontier town. Men with groomed moustaches and cowboy boots reaching to their thighs would be patrolling the streets, most likely on horseback, glaring at the outlaw who’d just wandered into town and who would no doubt be played by Eli Wallach, his death twelve years ago notwithstanding. But this was far from the case.

Dallas is a thoroughly modern city and felt very young and liberal compared to stereotypes you may have heard about Texas. There are many beautiful art deco buildings nestled among the modern glass skyscrapers, with cafes, bars, public art and restaurants throughout.

After a quick constitutional nap, we kicked off our first day in the States by heading to a local diner for breakfast. Iris had a delicious avocado toast, and I thew myself into American cuisine by having a wholesome breakfast staple. That’s right, it was fried chicken and waffles for breakfast. I’m sure my heart will forgive me one day before it otherwise gets revenge on me in the future.

Once we left we saw several people holding anti-Trump banners and decided to follow them. Turns out the Dallas ‘No Kings’ demo was going on, so we went to take a look. Thousands of people mobilised all across the US, and it was cool to see collective action in motion. And slightly intimidating to see civilians making the most of open carry laws to flaunt rifles in public.

We then headed into town to The Sixth Floor Museum at Dealey Plaza. If these terms are familiar to you, it’s because this museum is in the building that was, fifty years ago, the Texas School Book Depository, famous for being the place where Lee Harvey Oswald set up his sniper’s perch during his assassination of JFK. The museum was fascinating, its exhibits chronicling the life of JFK before and during his presidency alongside his murder and the consequences thereafter.

What gave us the biggest sense of frisson were a few key exhibits – Oswald’s wedding ring (purchased during his time in the USSR), the handcuffs Oswald was wearing when he was killed by Jack Ruby (and the suit the police chief to whom he was handcuffed was wearing), and a mock-up of the sniper’s nest in the exact position it would have been in on that faithful day. Looking down at the plaza and the road towards the underpass, thinking of what happened right there fifty years ago, took out breath away.

The next day, feeling more refreshed after a night’s sleep not spent in a plane seat, we headed to the nearby Dallas Farmers Market. It was a delightful mix of food stalls and homemade crafts. We got ourselves some hot sauce, which was delicious, and possibly one too many jars of Texan sweet iced tea. Absolutely delicious but I can feel the tyre round my midriff inflating.

For lunch we set off to Deep Ellum, one of the city’s trendiest areas. And yes, they did let us in.

One of the things we were most excited to try was authentic Texas BBQ, so lunch that day was what can only be described as a colossal amount of beef and sausage (with sides) from Terry Black’s BBQ. It was bloody tasty, and we had enough meat to supplement our next three or four meals. Morning granola has never been so protein-heavy and tasty.

Later that day we headed to the Old City Park, a lovely green space next to the highway. Similar to St. Fagan’s back home, it’s a living museum with restored old buildings from Dallas’s past. Highlights include an old log cabin and a saloon.

We continued the JFK theme the following day by going on a Kennedy-themed walking tour around Dealey Plaza. We got to see crosses in the road where the shots were taken at the motorcade and even got to go on the grassy knoll. While we remain unconvinced by the conspiracy theories surrounding the assassination, the knoll was worth it alone due to some hilarious graffiti people had left. We then went for lunch in a local park where a bird pooped on Iris’s phone. I kid you not, a perfect direct hit. They say it’s lucky but they never mention what sort of luck it is.

Fortunately we managed to have a better afternoon by going to see Project Hail Mary at a nearby cinema. The film was brilliant and we highly recommend it. Get your bets on for Ryan Gosling to win Best Actor now.

We spent our last day in Dallas walking to what was meant to be a park, but turned out to just be a local cricket pitch (I know, I couldn’t believe it either) and some stone cows. We attempted to sit and eat a picnic on some nearby bleachers, but since that day turned out to be exceptionally windy we ended up simply having the fruit we brought blown onto the ground. Ah well. At least it would be good for the soil.

It was then time to say farewell to Dallas as we got our hire car and headed to Austin, which is where I’m writing from now. But what American road trip is complete without taking in some random stops along the way? Our first stop was the Fort Worth stockyards. You remember what I said about how we imagined Dallas to be full of John Wayne types? That was literally the case here. Adverts for rodeo and cowboy hat shops dotted the streets while children waited to sit on top of live cows. It’s like they made the Disney version of the wild west into a real thing.

After filling our bellies with more local BBQ, we set off to the Waco Mammoth National Monument. This is an in situ dig site where over thirty mammoth fossils have been found alongside other fossilised creatures. Neither of us had ever seen a fossilised creature of this size in the wild, so this was brilliant.

One place were told we had to stop was Buc-ees, a gas station chain apparently like no other. This turned out to be correct as what we walked into was a giant store containing not only as much food and drink as you could imagine, but also Dallas Cowboys merch as well as hunting and fishing equipment. Do you need a new hunting knife on the road? Make sure to head on over to Buc-ees!

And so now you find us in Austin, the state capitol of Texas. It feels more, well, Texan than Dallas did, which I appreciate it a weird thing to say, but everywhere you look the Lone Star is emblazened on so much stuff. We took a walk around the State Capitol building, majestic in the early evening light. Apparently it’s bigger than the Capitol building in Washington DC. It certainly seemed it.

We had a taco dinner (good god, Mexican food is great over here) before heading to a local comedy club. Austin’s famous for it’s live music and comedy, and so many acts have made their name here, so we thought we’d see what all the fuss it about.

We headed to the Velveeta Room, Austin’s oldest comedy club that can only fit around 50-75 people in it, and saw several acts. Some of them were clearly new to the business as their delivery wasn’t the sharpest, but there were one or two acts that had us howling.

So that brings us up to date! Today’s our last day in Austin before we begin an 8-hour drive to New Orleans. We’ll likely be heading to the Lady Bird Lake later before heading to the Ann W. Richards bridge in the evening to see a couple million bats emerge from underneath as they apparently do each evening.

1. No, I don’t know why either. ↩︎
2. Which isn’t even American! It can be traced back to medieval England, and a recipe can be found in The Forme of Cury, a 14th-century cookbook. If you think this is surprising, just wait until you hear about baseball. ↩︎
3. As always, your sympathy is welcome in the comments. ↩︎