Two for the Road

Since you last left your plucky heroes we’ve crossed the South China sea to the land of the rising sun. “But Matt” I hear you cry, “weren’t you and Iris planning on staying two more days in Bangkok?” Yes, that’s completely true and very well observed. Have a biscuit and get cosy while I tell you all about it.

We book-ended our month in Thailand with a couple of days in Bangkok, this time staying in Chinatown¹. Colourful temple arches cover the streets like bright canopies and dragons stare down at you from the roofs, the air fragrant with mouth-watering aromas of sizzling street food. It felt busier here, more lived-in than the previous part of the city in which we stayed, like this was where locals actually live and work. It was much more in-keeping with how we pictured Bangkok before arriving, and we set out to make the most of it.

Our flat was in an old condominium building so no fancy pool or gym for us this time (world’s tiniest violin starts playing). But what a view! We directly overlooked the Chao Phraya river and had clear sight of the many boats coming to-and-fro. And that’s not to mention the drone light show we saw each night, as well as a few cheeky fireworks.

From 6PM onwards, it was clearly party time on the river. We knew this first-hand from the blaring music coming from the passenger ships sailing down the river. I guess being woken up a hundred tourists loudly singing La Bamba out of key is a small price to pay.

Regular readers will know that obtaining great-quality local food is a top priority for us, so when we were generously gifted some money to take a local food tour we leaped on the chance. Our tour guide took us on a stroll through Chinatown’s back streets, letting us sample some amazing food from the top local restaurants and informing us of local history and culture.

Did you know that a Lunar New year tradition is to burn ‘ghost money’? By burning paper representations of money, goods, or gifts, you can ensure your loved ones in the afterlife still get presents. We walked past shops selling miniature papers cars, paper jewellery, and even a whole paper 7-11 store! In case you’re wondering, burn a paper fully-stocked wine cellar for me if I die or I’ll come back to haunt you.

After recovering from our feast, it was time to head to Japan. Our first stop is Osaka, where I’m currently writing from. Japan’s been Iris’ bucket-list destination, and she was positively glowing on the plane in an infectious way. She loves Studio Ghibli films, is a sushi fiend, and is learning Japanese on Duolingo. Her knowledge and passion for the country, combined with the two phrases I know in Japanese, make us a formidable duo.

Where to start? Japan is a country full of fascinating history, rich culture, friendly people, and delicious cuisine. So you’ll be glad to know we kicked off our trip by visiting Universal Studios Japan.

We headed straight to Super Nintendo World and hopped on the Mario Kart Ride, where four people in each cart competed to see who would score the most points,² and the Donkey Kong rollercoaster. Great fun, and the aesthetic of the park itself is quite remarkable. Walking through a giant warp pipe, you emerge to a view of a platforming segment that looks as if it was pulled directly from one of the 2D Mario games. There were ‘? Blocks’ that jingled as kids leapt up and hit them (that didn’t work when I did it, not sure what that says about me) and there was a line to meet Donkey Kong. The kids queuing up were enthralled, which is brilliant as I thought from the look on ol’ DK’s face that he was about to eat them.

Our next stop was the Jurassic Park area, where you could meet ‘real’ dinosaurs. We got soaked on the Jurassic Park water ride and then, feeling brave, we headed onto the Flying Dinosaur rollercoaster. We probably should have realised how hardcore this ride was when not only did we have to store all bags and pocket items in a locker but were then searched (twice!) on our way into the queue.

For those unfamiliar, the Flying Dinosaur is what’s known as a flying rollercoaster – riders initially hop on and get restrained in a seated position before they are rotated to a face-down, horizontal position. The track runs above you as you look straight down. What’s more, the ride takes you up 46 metres above the ground. Those who know my feelings about heights may have a glimpse as to how I was feeling at the ride crept slowly and steadily upwards. After the climb, we were corkscrewed, thrown upside-down, and sped along the track in a way no other roller coaster really has. It was fun, don’t get me wrong, but if I told you that I initially wasn’t planning on drinking and then had a large beer at lunch, that should tell you what you need to know.

Another highlight has to be what Iris was lucky enough to be involved in when we went to the Harry Potter area. Hogsmeade and Hogwarts were impressive to wander around (Butterbeer is still disgusting, though) and despite that the main ride in the castle was closed for maintenance we were still allowed to wander around and take some snaps.

As we walked past Ollivander’s wand shop, we noticed a queue to go in. We joined and were shepherded into a dimly-lit room with floor-to-ceiling bookcases filled with boxes of wands. An actor, who did a wonderful job of delivering the story in both English and Japanese, talked us through how the wand chooses the wizard before perusing the crowd. His eyes centred on Iris in the front row. “Ah,” he said, “I believe today is the day when you get your wand”.

She was taken in front of the crowd to the foot of the stairwell next to the actor. I wasn’t sure if she would be despising this moment in front of a crowd, but she was enthralled. After ‘trying out’ a few misfiring wands, our wand salesman friend went up the stairs and brought down a box. After explaining what made up this wand,³ he handed it to Iris. In a scene you will all be familiar with from the first book/film, the shop lights briefly lifted and wind swept through Iris’s hair. Excuse the lame, inevitable choice of words, but it was a truly magical moment.

The wand was then boxed and handed to an assistant who would meet us outside. Once we got out, we were informed that this would not be a gift but we could have it for 6,800¥ (£33). Needless to say, we thought the memories would be valuable in themselves and declined the wand.

Turns out we may be Harry Potter adults. Who’d have thought it? For reference, I’m Ravenclaw and Iris is Hufflepuff (bless her).

So where’s next? We’re currently having a chilled day in Osaka. We’ve seen the gorgeous castle and more of the city as we’ve walked to and from. It’s been a 10K covered in a day sort of day. My ankles are complaining but it was worth it.

Tomorrow, we’re heading to stay in a Buddhist temple in Koyasan for a few days. We’re being catered for by monks and may have access to a communal onsen. The downside is we have to sleep on a futon, but if that’s the only thing standing between us and reaching enlightenment, then it’s worth a try. I’ll see you when I’ve reached Nirvana.

Matt

1. You’ll be thankful for my restraint for not including several references to the movie Chinatown. One for the kids, that one. Plus, not sure how many people have seen the film and I haven’t either, truth be told. Ah well. Forget it, Jake. ↩︎
2. Why, it was me who won! Thanks for asking! ↩︎
3. Aspen wood, 14 inches, with a unicorn hair in the core, for those Potterheads amongst you ↩︎